Retrospective

Yes Daniel, I did have a bad day.... Have you ever had one of those days that just doesn't go the way you think it should? Like when you get up in the morning, mouth watering at the thought of those bacon wrapped oreo's you've saved for breakfast. You go to the pantry only to find you have no nacho cheese in which to dip your precious bacon wrapped oreos. You rub your eyes just to see if you are mistaken. *Alas* no nacho cheese....This breakfast will have to wait for another day. You cram a pop tart into your face (sans pickle relish, 'cause you don't have that either) and run out the door to find that the increasingly intelligent frat boys who live two doors down thought it would be amusing to shrink wrap your car. Between the genius boys laughing hysterically and trying to maneuver your keys to slit the plastic without scratching the paint below you wonder, how the hell did I get here?? You finally get into the car via the sunroof ,which conveniently doesn't lock, and you are on you way. Yes there is still shrink wrap on the car but it is kinda see through and you need to get to work. You are driving to work trying your best not to hit the delightful cement median that is designed to kill you on impact as to not distract the drivers on the other side of the freeway, when low and behold through the wavy lines of plastic you think you see something that is not a car....It can't be...Of course it is, there is a tractor going 15 miles an hour in the fast lane. To make matters worse the three thousand year old woman in the car next to you is PACING THE TRACTOR!. You are going to be late for work You pull into work, climb back out the sunroof and onto the hood. As you climb down you hear a tearing sound.....No freaking way...The modest calf length skirt you so carefully chose this morning now has a slit up the side that ends little higher than mid thigh. This is gonna suck. Not much unusual happens during the work day. You did get quite a few compliments on your skirt, you even got Dave in accounting's phone number, e-mail address, pager number, cell number, blog, gym, shoe size, and type of deodorant. He sure is a friendly guy. You leave work later than everyone else as to not draw attention to your most interesting predicament. You attempt to climb up onto the car but it has been raining and of course you find yourself falling. Bracing for the impact of the gravel below you stop suddenly. What the.....You open your eyes to find no other than your boss looking down at you in his arms. "Duct tape works a lot better you know" he says eyeing your shrink wrapped car. You mutter something about armadillo's in spring time migrating to new Jersey and then muster up enough confidence to climb back into you car and drive away. You get home to find one of the exceedingly brilliant frat boys, puking what looks like ravioli and fish sticks onto your newly planted roses. Fed up, and being the caring person you are, you get the garden hose and proceed to wash down the flowerbed. In the process making frat boy resemble marshmallows, oreo's, spaghetti, and green goo (you know the slime they dump on people on nickelodeon when the "accidentally" say the word of the day) all mixed together in a blender. Frat boy smiles a little and goes to sleep. You go inside change you clothes and relax with a nice bowl of chili and dill pickles with hot fudge. Tonight beatniks in Bremerton is on and it is suppose to be a special two hour episode where Jenny figures out that she really is a black man from wisconsin and Jimbo and Eddy are really siamese twins who never knew each other existed. The suspense is almost more than you can take. You hear Wheezers "Pink Triangle" (beatniks in Bremerton's theme song) come on and you get a chill up your spine. All of the sudden everything goes black. You hear hysterical laughing coming from outside. You debate on whether you should bring your shotgun with you while you investigate. You decide against it, last time you accidentally shot Mrs. Engle's pet wallaby. Talking you way out of that one was a trip. You open the door to find the source of the hysterics. Half a dozen frat boys somehow managed to pull the telephone pole out of its six foot deep concrete seating and now are strapping it to their backs and attempting to rollerblade and keep this thing on their back. You close the door. Were you ever that young and stupid? Yeah, ya were. You climb up the stairs to your bedroom, crawl into bed only to find that your nice comfy bed is now a cold squishy lake. You grab you flashlight and turn it to the ceiling. Where the ceiling once was there is now a large hole looking right up to the gloomy sky. You get out of bed strip your pajamas off and trudge back down the stairs to the couch. As you lay there in the darkness, listening to the sounds of the neighborhood idiots at play, you think to yourself.....This is why you must always have plenty of nacho cheese.....